maxiewawa

One of my favourite shows has to be Seinfeld. I have every episode on DVD, and at any given time discs are strewn around the apartment, a sign of how regularly I watch them.

Some well meaning person has added Chinese subtitles to each episode. For the most part they are accurate, but sometimes they are confusingly not. But these mistakes present something of a riddle to the bilingual Seinfeld fan (and I hope that I’m not the only one!). Trying to work out what the translator thought the characters were saying takes some solving. Take this bit of dialogue.

• Elaine: (To Putty, who is staring at the seat in front of him) Don’t you want something to read?
• Elaine: 你不要吃什么吗？

This first one is easy. Obviously the translator has misheard “read” as “eat”. Easy, right? Well hang on, they only get harder from here.

• George: Who, David Putty?
• George: 谁，大卫伙伴？

I’ll give you a clue if you can’t follow the Chinese (or the English). “David Putty” is someone’s name, but someone has translated his surname (”Putty”) as “伙伴”. Look up 伙伴 and you’ll find “partner”, “associate”, “sidekick” and a long list of synonyms. How could someone hear “Putty” and translate it as “伙伴“? Got it yet? Ok, I’ll give you a few moments.

The translator has heard the line as “Who, David, buddy?” and translated it that way. “Buddy” has been translated into Chinese as 伙伴.

I won’t help you at all with this one.

• Jerry: You saw Putty!
• Jerry: 你跟伙伴约会了！
• Kramer: (Surprised) Hoochie moochie!
• Kramer: 谁呀？

Obviously the confused translator has translated Kramer’s nonsensical “hoochie moochie” as “who?”. Next!

• Jerry: Don’t forget to buy me some duty free Kahlua!
• Jerry: 忙完过来吧
• Answer:Don’t forget after you’re busy to come over!

Say the original English line quickly, and you can see how the mistake was made. “Kahlua” isn’t such a common word and you can see why it was heard as “come over”.

• Jerry: Hey everybody, who’s ready to laugh?
• Jerry: 大家，谁断了腿？
• Answer: Hey everybody, who’s broken a leg?

Don’t forget that in Jerry’s accent, “leg” and “laugh” have almost the same vowel sound.

• George: (In silly voice) Hello! I’m slippery as an eel!
• George: 你好！我用了耳朵！
• Answer: Hello! I’m using my ear!

To make things extra difficult for the translator, these episode features a silly voice that Jerry has made up.

• Jerry: That was the mother on “Bewitched”. You mean PANdora.
• Jerry: 给我十元。
• Answer: Give me ten dollars. (The first sentence was obviously not translated.)

Next comes a line from Jerry’s nemesis, Newman.

• Newman: You’re a useless pustule!!
• Newman: 你是没用的妓女！
• Answer: You’re a useless prostitute!!

“My favourite:

• George: The tide had taken them out!
• George: 泰国人拿走了！
• Answer: The Thai had taken them out!

Here’s a few that I couldn’t solve. Maybe a reader can help out!

• Claire: So you’re insane?
• Claire: 你是说你没清醒吗？
• Answer: So you’re not awake? So you’re sleep saying? Any other suggestions??

Here’s another difficult one that I’m not too sure about.

• Jerry: You know this girl Claire I’m seeing.
• Jerry: 我想你很聪明。
• Answer: You know how clever I seem.

My answer only works if you swap around 你 and 我 though. If the subtitle was 你想我很聪明 my answer might work, but not as it is originally. Anyone have any better ideas? Leave them in the comments!