Testimony
I was sitting in front of my computer at 11:47 on this day, August 30 2008 when I heard a woman shouting from street level.
Hearing her shouts, I ran to the window and looked down.
I live 22 floors above street level, so wouldn't be able to identify anyone involved, but what follows is a true and accurate account of what transpired.
The woman was struggling with a bike at the intersection of 汉口路 and 福州路 (Hankou rd and Fuzhou rd). She had hold of the bike, and was trying to hold onto it as a fat bald man (hereafter referred to as 'fatty') tried to take it off her.
They were in the bike lane. Fatty was trying to wrest the bike from her grip, and she was holding on, screaming at him loud enough for her voice to float in through my window to my ears.
They struggled for a few moments, when an older, thinner man (hereafter referred to as "skinny") sprinted toward them southwards along 汉口路 and joined the fray.
Skinny took over from the woman, and eventually prized the bike free from fatty.
As he did, the woman kept screaming, and eventually started beating fatty about the head with her fists.
As Fatty lost his grip on the bike, he started hitting Skinny.
Skinny tried to defend himself, but was driven back. Skinny landed two scoring punches to Fatty, and he fell to the canvas.
Fatty ran through the crowd that had gathered to a car that had stopped on the north side of FuZhou Rd. He got into the passenger seat and it drove off.
As I write this, Skinny is waiting with the woman and a few onlookers, holding some tissues to a cut on his head, and to his nose.
This is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth as I witnessed it.
Commentary #1
Watching the Olympic games, I got the idea of commentating on what was happening around me, to practice my spoken Chinese. Here's what happened.
(i can't get podpress working, so you'll have to do the "right click/save As..." thing here. Sorry.)
A foreigner walking down Nanjing rd can't fail to be approached by people trying to sell things. At 5 minutes 30 I meet one of these guys. Here's what we talked about.
什么？
包包手表要吗？
包不要。
看一下吧。(不要。)
衣服，手表。。。
衣服不要。
你要买什么东西呀？
什么都不要！
什么不要，什么都看一下。你喜欢的给你便宜。
不喜欢的不便宜呀？
不喜欢的不要买。喜欢的话给你便宜。你想去哪里？
我想走一走。欣赏这个。。。
上海的buildings.
你走到我店里，更好看!
What?
You want watches, bags?
I don't want bags.
Have a look. (Don't want to).
Clothes, watches...
Don't want clothes.
What do you want to buy?
I don't want to buy anything!
If you don't want anything, have a look at everything. (As nonsensical in Chinese as in English!) I'll give you what you want cheap.
The ones I don't like aren't cheap?
Don't buy the ones you don't like. If you like something, I'll give it to you cheap. Where are you going?
Just having a walk, enjoying the...
Shanghai's buildings. Come to my shop, it's even better (than the buildings)!
Hope it's helpful! I'm always interested in bringing the personality of a language, how it's actually used in real life into my posts, so I hope you've been able to get a feel for where Chinese is spoken as well as how it is spoken.
Stay tuned for Commentary #2. As I "rehearsed" this I had all these interesting observations about what was going on around me, but when the mic was on I froze up a little. I hope I'll be a bit looser next time.
English Assignment #3
I'm teaching English online. If you're a native speaker, you can help out by listening/reading the passage below and answering the questions that come after it. If you're learning, I invite you to do the same. You might find the explanation helpful.
- I didn't have a good day today. I went to a party last night, and drank a lot. I stayed out until late. I woke up later than usual, and ran to work in my pajamas. I arrived at work late, and my boss told me off for being in my pajamas. I was so tired that I fell asleep at my desk, and didn't write the report that I was supposed to.
- As you can see, I did a lot of things wrong. (I went to a party. I drank a lot. I got up late. And a lot of other things.)
- What should I have done differently?
Put your answers in a reply to this post! Thanks! And if you're not sure how to answer, I'll give a short explanation in a moment.
My answers: You shouldn't have gotten up late. You should have used an alarm clock. You should have written the report earlier.
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Need help? Look at this:
To answer these questions, you'll need to use this sentence pattern:
- You shouldn't have (verb). You should have (verb).
The (verb) in each case must be a past participle. Most past participles are the same as simple past, but there are some exceptions.
Verb - Past - Past Participle
drink - drank - drunk
do - did - done
go -went - gone
write - wrote - written
get - got - gotten* (see below for more on this verb)
Thanks for listening. And if you have problems with past participles, don't worry, they're quite difficult. I've heard non- native English speakers from all over the world who can pass for natives, if not for their incorrect use of past participles. So if you have trouble, you're not alone.
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*I always teach my students that the past participle of "got" is "gotten". But in this very video I used "got" as the past participle of "got". More and more "gotten" has gone out of use... or was it just me?
Which sounds correct:
I shouldn't have gotten that, it was too expensive.
I shouldn't have got that, it was too expensive.
Yuck!
Amber from Chinesepod pointed out in one of her recent shows, 拉肚子 (diarrhea) isn't as much a taboo subject as in the west. I recently heard this conversation in a restaurant toilet.
(I walk in. There is only one cubicle, and a guy is waiting.)
Guy 1:朋友，你快好了没有？(Friend, can you hurry up?)
Guy 2: 对不起，我拉肚子了，等一下！(I'm sorry, I have diarrhea, just a moment!)
The HA? technique
A conversation in a Chinese shop usually goes like this:
"Hello welcome can I help you."
"意大利经典." (A classic Italian sandwich please.)
"你要什么面包?" (What bread would you like?)
"好的，大的..."
But occasionally, and much to my annoyance, the person behind the desk insists on using English, often very difficult to understand English. The conversation goes like this:
"Hello werrrcum, kenn-eye herrp pyu."
"意大利经典." (A classic Italian sandwich please.)
"You wanna which-a?" (Pointing to bread)
A confused foreigner might just shrug and try to continue in English, deciphering what the hapless sandwich maker is saying along the way. He or she misses out on a small opportunity to practice his or her Chinese. Although it's not a large opportunity, as any language learner will tell you, every little opportunity counts, and eventually these snatched conversations go together to form a fluent mandarin speaker.
So if you ever find yourself with someone who stubbornly refuses to speak mandarin to you, I suggest my own special technique for making someone speak mandarin. Try this:
"Hello welcome, can I help you?
"意大利经典." (A classic Italian sandwich please.)
"You wanna which-a?" (Pointing to bread)
哈？(HA?)"Which-a?" (Pointing again.)
哈？(HA?)"你要什么面包啊！" (Which bread do you want?)
(Smile of recognition) “哦！白面包。" (Oh! White bread.)
"Big/smoh?"
哈？(HA?)"Big/smoh?" (Tries communicating with sign language)
哈？(HA?)"大的还是小的？" (Big or small size?)
"哦！大的." (Oh! A large one.)
Etc.
You'll notice that after each English phrase, you should reply with 哈？(HA?) This makes it clear that you don't speak English. You might have to reply to a question with 哈 several times before the other person gets the point, but eventually they'll start speaking Chinese to you.
And finally, I only recommend this for situations when you're the customer in a shop. The 哈? technique is designed only for those situations when one is being served, and the person doing the serving doesn't seem to understand that the servee wishes to practice his/her Chinese.
If a friend or one of your peers keeps answering your Chinese questions in English, you'll need a more subtle approach.
Guitar Ditty
I can't get PodPress working, so I'll have to do this the old-fashioned way. I've made an mp3. It's here. Right click and choose "Save As" to download it!
I've been trying to do something musical for a while. This is actually the theme to a show that I listen to every week; I wonder if anyone recognises it.
This tune comes at the beginning of each show, and I always find myself nodding my head along to it. It's one of those tunes that gets into your head and stays there. Hopefully you'll find yourself humming this tune long after you've finished listening to my version.
Do you know the show yet? Don't worry if you don't. I'd be surprised if no one reading my blog has heard of it, but would be surprised if it's more than only a few.
If you know the answer, or if you just give up, just click here and you'll be taken to the show's site. If you're interested in hearing the original version, just click on the "listen online" button.
Bad Service
I was at City Diner the other night, with some friends. They are famous for bad service.
After we'd had a look at their menus, and decided what we wanted, we looked around for a waiter. We saw a guy behind the bar, and waved at him. He didn't see us. We waved a bit more, and eventually shouted at him.
He looked up, smiled genially, waved back and nodded, then went back to the TV.
"Get over here!" one of our number shouted, annoyed.
"Just a moment," he said, pointing to another waiter who was attending to another group. "He'll take your order." And before we could protest, he turned his back on us again and went back to watching the TV.
The food is really good at City Diner, the music is great (they usually have live bands), and they have some exotic beers on tap, so I keep going back.
I guess I should either stop complaining about them or stop going. I think that they win everyone over with nice food, good beer and great music. They're a lot better than a lot of jazz places in town, where everything is over priced, the band only plays jazz standards and all the seats have a little place card on them saying "reserved" except for a tiny bar stool next to the toilet.
I think it's good to have a whinge (Americans call it "whine") every now and then. What else is the internet for?
Taxi Driver Catches Thief
Here's another story that I've read out and filmed loud in an effort to improve my spoken Chinese. If you can't see the video, it's here.
The article is here.
It's not the same as the version that I was reading from but is close enough.
Basically, the story is this:
A taxi driver, while waiting for the next shift to show up, witnesses a robbery. He cunningly drives away, in the direction the thieves were running. Sure enough, they flag him down and jump in. They state their destination as the international cinema. He attempts to make a u-turn, but the thieves stop him, wanting to get as far away from the scene of the crime as possible.
The taxi driver maintains his cool, asking "So, you're seeing a movie at this hour?" One of the thieves, obviously shaken, stutters "um... yes....". The driver has a stunningly bold idea; he finds his phone, and dials "110", the number for the police. "Hey buddy," he says. "I was waiting for you but two customers came, so I'm on a job. I'm at the corner of (something-something) and (something-something) at the moment, can you come here instead? Thanks."
The thieves in the backseat catch on that he wasn't talking to the next shift, but the police. "Can you stop, I need to buy some cigarettes" says one thief. Instead, the driver locks the doors and floors the car. After a lot of screaming and shouting, and attempts to break the windows, the driver is forced to stop. The thieves escape. He gives chase, screaming for help all the while. The thieves are eventually apprehended by passers by, other drivers, and three (yes, three!) police cars that turn up.
The translation really doesn't do the article justice. It is portrayed as such a dramatic story in the original Chinese; the crafty taxi driver comes up with a brilliant scheme to catch the wicked thieves... I've just stated the facts in my translation.
I wonder if anyone unfamiliar with mainland Chinese newspapers finds the original article interesting; I'm always struck by how the Chinese newspapers try to stay aloof, and use chengyu as much as they can. Newspapers that originate outside mainland China use much simpler language, and try to appeal to the masses more. I remember learning in high school that newspapers in Australia try to write at a level that can be understood by a high school student; in China there isn't this philosophy of simple reporting.
- What's your in your room?
- Where is your computer?
Here are my answers:
There are two couches in my room behind me. There's a bookshelf and a table too.
My computer is on two books. The books are on a cardboard box. The box is on my desk.
Some Japanese people I know have problem describing locations of things. They get "My computer is there" and "There is my computer" mixed up.
I've been trying to correct a Japanese friend of mine's mistakes regarding locations for years, but with no success. Hopefully with your help we'll fix this habit.
4th anniversary
On August 13th 2004 I arrived at Shanghai Pudong International Airport with mum, dad and one of mum's friends. I spent the next few days sporadically watching the Athens Olympics, and getting to know China.
Four years later I'm still here. Happy Anniversary Me!