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In the past few days, Briton Akmal Shaikh was executed in China for smuggling drugs into the country. Many outside China were disappointed in this, not only because some people are fundamentally against the death penalty, but they thought that not enough attention was paid to Shaikh’s mental health. Apparently he had bipolar disorder.

I’m translating something from a Chinese forum about Chinese netizens’ reactions to the case. One thing that no one in the western media has brought up is the role of history in Chinese attitudes to this case. In case you didn’t know, there were a whole series of wars in China between Britain and the Chinese, and drugs were significant in them. I won’t go into it since I don’t know much more than the Wikipedia article, but just wanted to point out that it’s a sensitive topic for China, and the fact that Shaikh was British probably made it even more sensitive. Prime Minister Brown, in all of his whinging about it, mustn’t have realised.

Anyway, someone felt sufficiently moved about the whole thing to write this as a reply to the article I’m translating.

英国首相布朗，你以为中国还是 鸦片战争时候吗？你是进化不完全的生命体，基因突变的外星人，幼稚园程度的高中生，先天蒙古症的青蛙头，圣母峰雪人的弃婴，化粪池堵塞的凶手，非洲人搞上 黑*的后裔，阴阳失调的黑猩猩，被诺亚方舟压过的河马，新火山喷发口，超大无耻传声扩音喇叭，爱斯基摩人的耻辱，和蟑螂共存活的超个体，生命力腐烂的半植 物，会发出臭味的垃圾人，“唾弃“名词的源头.

Luckily for those of you who can’t read Chinese, I’ve just now finished my English translation:

Prime Minister Brown, do you think that China is stuck in the times of the opium wars? You are an example of an undeveloped life form, an alien that has undergrown genetic mutation, a high school student with the development of a kindergartener, a mongoloid inborn frog head, an abandoned infant at the top of Everest, the turd blocking the toilet, a dark descendent of Africa, hermaphrodite gorilla, a hippo squashed by Noah’s ark, the erupting mouth of a new volcano, the shameless sound of a barking horn, an Eskimo’s disgrace, a superman living with cockroaches, a rotting vegetable, a person made of rubbish who smells, the etymological source of the word “spurned”.

I’ve done my best to translate the original, but some of them are just really confusing in Chinese and are just as confusing in English.

From NetEase:

In a certain city which I won’t name here, on the number nine bus, there is an astonishing sight. To guard against the theft of safety hammers [you know, those sharp thingammies they have on buses that you use to break windows in case of emergency] they have introduced a replacement product: the Safety Brick!

Here’s the really hard thing about translating. I’m trying to turn this into English:

我终于发现昆明城市管理者队员的武功其实远未到炉火纯青的地步

This is the most accurate I can get it:

I finally saw that the martial arts of Kunming’s City Inspectors are actually at a level far from forged-in-the-fire perfection.

But that’s a little cumbersome isn’t it? Maybe I can clean it up a bit.

I finally saw how far the kungfu skills of Kunming’s Chengguan are from perfection

The second sounds and reads better, but is differs a little from the original. I’ve translated 武功 as “Kungfu” which isn’t correct, but is shorter, and slicker than “Martial Arts” which would be correct. I’ve also taken out some words so that it flows more (noticeably the four character Chengyu which doesn’t translate well anyway). This might not seem a big deal in the short sentence above, but makes a big difference when reading an entire article.

So I’m always in a quandry. The first translation preserves the meaning of each word, but the flow of the Chinese is lost; the second one takes out words but doesn’t sound as awkward. 

*shrugs* What would you do?

When asked about the origin of the car by the media, she boldly said: “The car is a friend’s, the plate is temporary, and the post is defamatory.”…

Read on here at ChinaSMACK!

Translated from Mop:

Danyang’s Most Niubile Traffic Cop: He Books a Cop Car!

When: December 14 2009, approx 2:15
Where: East Xinin Road, the bike only lane
What happened: A car parked illegally. Photo taken, infringement issued.

Some commenters think that the police car isn’t from Danyang, let me address this: Number plates that begin with 苏L are from Zhenjiang in Suzhou. Danyang is part of Zhenyang, and this car is parked on a main road. Anyone from Danyang would tell you that.

I came across this post on NetEase, a BBS forum used by Chinese. This wouldn’t be relevant to most ChinaSMACK readers so I thought I’d put it up here.

From NetEase:

In this post I’m a bit biased, I’m showing a city’s level of modernity. Although it didn’t take long to take these photos, this topic has been rattling around in my brain for a while. But I an opportunity to take these photos doesn’t present itself often, I might say that I’ve been waiting a few months until I got a chance. Finally, I found a rare opportunity, and I grabbed it, taking these photos.

Australian families all sort their garbage, then a sealed off garbage truck picks up each different kind, in this way all members of society help to create a good garbage transportation system. Every time I see this happen, I wonder in my heart when my fatherland [China - Ed] will do it too! Today is Wednesday, the day garbage is collected at my house and the surrounding suburbs. Last night everyone took out their home’s garbage bin.

In front of my house, I took some photos of what happens. I won’t talk any more; I’ll just show the photos.

Every Australian residence has three bins like this. In one goes everyday rubbish, another recyclables and another grass. They are on wheels, and can be pushed to one’s front garden for the special truck to pick up. The writer, currently living in Australia, does this. In Australia, men work more than women, they not only have to do half of the housework, but also have specialised, men-only tasks like this.

Wednesday (today) is the day for everyday rubbish and recyclables. In the photo you can see that the yellow bins have been taken care of (because the lids are all open). In the background you can see that the rubbish truck is picking up rubbish and tipping it into itself.

Zooming in you can see that behind the driver are large prongs that are lifting up a yellow bin.

See, the bin has already been lifted high, and its contents are being tipped into the truck. I have to mention here that the driver has to wear work clothes, usually a bright uniform. It was very hot today, the driver was wearing a yellow vest, which still counts as his uniform. There’s only one person involved in this whole operation. – The driver.

The truck goes a bit further down the road, and lifts another rubbish bin high in the air. You can see in the picture that at the very top of the truck is another bin being lifted up.

The garbage truck’s work finished, we see the back of it.  We can see that the truck is very clean, and pleasing to the eye.

I’ve made two more translations at ChinaSMACK recently. I’m doing quite a bit, aren’t I! I always enjoy writing, but rarely have anything to say. This is much easier; I get to write but don’t have to come up with a story, just translate other people’s.

The first story is about a Japanese reporter who comes to a Beijing university. Opinion at ChinaSMACK is divided as to whether the story actually happened or was made up, but it definitely has brought up some emotions. One poster suggested that China will invade Japan at some point in time, and that “100s of millions of Chinese just waiting for Chinas righteous war against the next generation of Japanese war criminals.”

Phew! Well here’s the story:

http://www.chinasmack.com/stories/beijing-university-student-embarrasses-japanese-reporter/

The second has the record as the longest translation at ChinaSMACK. It seems to be one that is making a lot of people cry! I particularly hope you like this one, it took friggen ages to do.

http://www.chinasmack.com/stories/impoverished-farmer-father-abandoned-girl-daughter/

How would you translate this?

看到走在前面的女儿隆玉凤不高兴了，走在后面的隆宗药小声地安慰道:

Perhaps:

Looking at his annoyed daughter walking in front of him, Zong Longjiang, walking behind her, comforted her quietly, saying:

But isn’t that a little stupid? If his daughter is walking in front of him, obviously he’s walking behind her, right? How about this:

Looking at his annoyed daughter walking in front of him, Zong Longjiang comforted her quietly, saying:

Better right? But the redundant phrase 走在后面的/walking behind  is in fact in the original. It sounds just as awkward in Chinese too. So what’s a translator to do? Seriously, should I fix things I think are wrong or awkward when I’m writing the translation? Or leave them?