Thank God Its Not Christmas
Cover version by Max Roberts.
Requested by Ed (not sure of your surname Ed!)
Ed originally requested "This Town Ain't Big Enough for Both of Us" by Sparks, and if you have a listen to that wacky tune, you'll know how relieved he was that I had another suggestion. Not that it's a bad song, it just would have taken a lot of time for me to work out all the changes... I would have needed a calculator to work out the time signature.
Don't know much about Sparks other than what Wikipedia tells me... This track is apparently off "Kimono My House"... they were formed by some brothers...
I'm always worried when I do obscure bands that some die hard fans will be disappointed at how I've crucified their favourite song... if anyone finds this version insulting to the original, I can only apologise and say that I didn't mean it!
I DID cut it down a bit, I couldn't keep it going for as long as Sparks do in their original version.
Anyway, hope you like it.
As always, feel free to request a song in a comment!
I'd never heard of Sparks before Ed requested them, but they're quite interesting aren't they!
Here's an mp3 of this track: http://media.libsyn.com/media/maxiewa...
Dummy Left
Another original by Max Roberts.
Now that I've finished it, I'm not quite sure if I like Dummy Left. It sounded very asian when it was in my head, but now that I can hear it for real, it sounds like something from a cowboy movie! I picture Clint Eastwood swaggering into town wearing one of those over sized hats in some spaghetti western film when I hear this. And that wasn't at all what I was thinking when I wrote it...
mp3 link: http://media.libsyn.com/media/maxiewa...
the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIMt7S3Gy-c
my podcast: http://maxiewawa.libsyn.com/rss
The Code Book
I just finished reading "The Code Book" by Simon Singh. It's about cryptography, cryptanalysis (code making and code breaking) and its history. It's really good. If you're into scientific stuff like I am, you'll love it.
Also, I'm still a little hoarse. 
Book Meme
"Why did you do it you fool!"
Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence along with these instructions.
Bank Note From Hell
I was buying something at a small stationary shop today. It was a small room run by a middle aged woman. My purchase cost 10RMB and I luckily had exactly enough 1RMB coins and notes to pay for it.
But as I counted out my change, the lady serving me held one note up.
"What the?"
I had noticed the strange note after I first received it. I'd examined it a s she was now, had shrugged, and stuffed it in my pocket.
Written across the note on one side is tightly compacted Chinese. There are no spaces, and every square centimeter is taken up in some kind of written rant.
I'm not sure what it all says, but it's clearly the ramblings of some loony.
The first line is something about the diabolical party blaspheming against Buddha. Hurting the noble munks, spreading blasphemous ideas.... or something.
Anyway, the woman frowned at it.
"This is bullshit." (or words to that effect!) "I um... don't want it..." she said hesitatingly.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know what IT said, I only looked carefully at what was written on it just now.
Her reaction wasn't so much one of disgust as one of confusion. She didn't know what to do. She should have just done what I did, shrugged and pocketed the money, and tried to hand it off to someone else.
"They're cazy, all of them. They sometimes stick things under your door... If you went to a bank with that they'd probably punish you. If I gave that to someone they might think that I wrote it..."
She wasn't angry or anything, in retrospect I think she might have been afraid that I had written it or something.
"Well I didn't bloody well write it!" I said. Or words to that effect. (There isn't an exact translation for "bloody well" in Chinese, but I think you get the gist of it.)
I showed her the change in my pocket.
"Look, other than the 9RMB that I've already given you, I only have 6 jiao, which is 4 jiao short of the 10RMB that my purchase costs. So unless you accept my 1 RMB not that features the ramblings of a madman, you're going to have to give me the thing for 9.60."
Then she did the strangest thing.
She nodded.
I couldn't believe it.
I've never known anyone to turn down money. 4 jiao isn't a lot, but it's SOMETHING. But she didn't want anything to do with the 1 RMB note with the funny writing.
And it obviously wasn't something that offended her as a person living in the PRC, it was just something that she wasn't comfortable with.
But the strangest thing was her reaction when I offered to buy the item for a lower price, without using the offending note. I only said it as a joke, but she agreed immediately!
The Chinese are, at their root, practical, and I'v never heard of anyone willingly accept a loss in that way. And this wasn't just a metaphorical loss of "face" or anything, this was a hard, financial loss, albeit a small one.
Yuck!
Amber from Chinesepod pointed out in one of her recent shows, 拉肚子 (diarrhea) isn't as much a taboo subject as in the west. I recently heard this conversation in a restaurant toilet.
(I walk in. There is only one cubicle, and a guy is waiting.)
Guy 1:朋友，你快好了没有？(Friend, can you hurry up?)
Guy 2: 对不起，我拉肚子了，等一下！(I'm sorry, I have diarrhea, just a moment!)
English Review
Last week I asked for some responses to questions in English and today I'd like to go over some of the answers.
Thanks very much to these people for participating in the first assignment! Specifically, thank you to theresa, nicholas cripps, hyunwoo sun, koungeun choi, yiwei, lucierili, RuaGreenwood, Cody, sorry if I forgot anyone.
Here are some answers I'd like to go over.
A1: I'm eating a fruit.
A2: Yes, I do.
A3: I eat a fruit after my dinner every day. Fruits keep us healthy and strong.
"Fruit" is an uncountable object, so we can't say "a" fruit, or "fruits" but just "fruit". "I'm eating fruit". And "I eat fruit".
Monkey:What are you doing, Mr.Pig?
Pig:I'm eating watermelon...
Monkey:Do you eat watermelon often?
Pig:Yes,I do.
Monkey:How many watermelon do you eat a day?
Pig:Three...one is for my breakfast,the second is for lunch and the last one should be for my dinner
A conversation between a pig and a monkey? Hahaha! I like it. But we should say "How many watermelons..." and not "How many watermelon...". When we ask "how many" we always use the plural. It's always hard to know when to use the plural in English.... Hyunwoo has got it completely correct:
Hyunwoo:
Q1: What are you doing?
A1: I'm listening to a podcast.
Q2: Do you listen to podcasts often?
A2: Yes, I do.
Q3: How often do you listen to podcasts?
A3: I listen to podcasts all the time.
Notice that he says that "I'm listening to a podcast". This is the only time one should use the singular in these three sentence patterns. Off the record, this is the part my girlfriend is having the most trouble with.
Next is lucierili's answer. She also has no mistakes, but uses a few constructions that beginners sometimes get wrong, so I thought I'd mention them.
Q1: What are you doing?
A1: I'm packing my luggage.
Q2: Do you study often?
A2: Yes, I do. I like studying languages.
Q3: How often do you go to the restaurant?
A3: I go once a month.
Remember what I mentioned about uncountable objects? "Luggage" is one of those so we don't say "a luggage" or "luggages" but just "luggage".
Also, she uses a plural in "I like studying languages". Notice that we have the plural "languages" and not "language".
If you want to see some more answers, look here:
http://www.maxiewawa.com/2008/08/04/simple-present-present-continuous-frequency/#comments
http://talkwiththeworld.blogspot.com/2008/08/simple-present-present-continuous.html
Brushes With Celebrity
On my final day before leaving Tokyo the week before last, I stood in the corner of the office and took these ph
otos of everyone that was in the office that day. Some of the people you can see are featured on-air, and if you listen to as many language learning podcasts as I do, you'd recognise most of them.
I won't list everyone by name, since that would ruin the surprise if you actually get to meet anyone yourself. It's much more fun when you meet them in real life.
It's so strange hearing those voices "in the flesh". I remember an Actor's Workshop interview with the cast of the Simpsons; it was pretty crappy, basically the guy interviewing them just got everyone to do the voices, but I sat there enthralled. Hearing those voices which are attached so strongly to characters that I'm so familiar with come out of real peoples' mouths was really strange. Meeting famous voices from Innovative Languages was a similar feeling.
By coincidence today I met another famous podcaster, Jenny Zhu from ChinesePod.com . I was quite flattered that she recognised me, and remembered my online name (maxiewawa) immediately! I was waiting in line at a foreign supermarket on 淮海路 and spotted Hank, also from Praxis Languages. I recognised him from a Youtube video. He smiled after I introduced myself, and after I made it clear that I was a listener, without saying anything, he pointed to Jenny. We had a nervous conversation (well I was nervous, she wasn't) where I uncomfortably admitted that I worked for a ライバル会社 and kept saying 哇，两个名人，太紧张 but it was great to have a brush with celebrity.
Watch? Bag? DVD?
I told almost the exact same story on another blog years ago when I first started learning Japanese. If you read that story, this one is almost the same, but it's 100% true!
The first thing that hits you when you walk down Shanghai's picturesque Nanjing East Rd (南京东路) is the people trying to sell you stuff. "Watch? Bag? Dvd?" They are really annoying. Even if you say "no" they just keep pushing their business cards at you.
Since I started learning Korean, I was sure that I'd be able to confuse them. If I obviously didn't understand what they were talking about, they'd ignore me, right?
I replied the first person who started hassling me the other day thus:
"아니,아니. 이미 있어." (No, no, no. I already have one.)
Without missing a beat, the guy continued pushing his business card on me.
"시게? 가방? 여기와!" (Watch? Bag? Come here!)
The bugger spoke Korean too!
You have to give these annoying salesman credit when they are due. When I tried to be a Japanese tourist, they let me know in stilted Japanese that their fake bags and watches were the best in all Shanghai. When I spoke in Korean, they replied in Korean! There's no getting rid of those crafty bastards.
House of B & J vs City Diner
I would have written this mini-review earlier, but a touch of RSI in the my left hand stopped me from typing properly. I might have written something but such vital letters as "w" "e" and everyone's favourite "t" would have been absent, so I thought it better to leave it until later.
To celebrate Aika's first paycheck from her new job, we decided to go out. We left after dinner at home, and wandered down the road to the House of Blues and Jazz on Fuzhou rd.
There was a band tamely playing jazz standards, and they were pleasant enough. Aika and I were looking forward to sitting upstairs sipping drinks and listening to the band, and to that end we went downstairs to get our drinks. After a few failed attempts, we managed to accost a waiter by the scruff of the neck and extract a drinks menu from him. He tried to get us to sit on a few stools squashed amongst other patrons, and I told him politely that we'd already found a nice spot upstairs. "Not open," he said. "You can't sit there."
After a half-hearted look through the drinks menu and a look around to see if we could find any better seats (we couldn't) we decided to leave.
If we had stayed we would have been squashed onto two stools next amongst strangers, straining our necks to see a band playing tame music, which had its heyday when Duke Ellington was alive. And don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the Duke, but when one is sipping a beer on a Friday night, "Satin Doll" just isn't a suitable soundtrack.
And a good thing we left. In retrospect the 10 minutes that we spent in The House Of Blues And Jazz on FuZhou Rd was quite substandard. The band was fine, but we had to accost a waiter, were told that we weren't allowed in the nicest part of the bar, and were pointed towards two stools squashed in amongst strangers.
We made our way to City Diner, on the corner of TongRen and Nanjing West rd (if you want to go, show this address to your driver: 同仁路，南京西路 and tell 'em maxiewawa sent you). The first thing that hit us was the music. They were small, as they always are at City Diner, (sax, drums, vocals, rhodes) but awesome. They played funky jazz and blues and really kicked along.
But now that I think of it, the service at City Diner was horrible. Trying to find a waiter, at one point I wandered into the bar area (something that will get you thrown out of a bar from where I'm from!) and actually ended up serving some bewildered patrons who, like me, were having trouble finding a waiter.
It's strange that I didn't remember that immediately... after my whinging about bad service at the House of Blues and Jazz I forgot how bad it was at City Diner. I guess it goes to show how good music can make up for bad service.
Anyway, we found seats to our liking at City Diner, helped ourselves to drinks (like I said, the waitstaff weren't really on the ball that night) and sat, toetapping along to the band.
Eventually I worked up the courage to say hello to a group of Koreans, but only after a few drinks. Whenever I hear a language that I'm learning spoken a public place, I just have to say hello! Everyone was very complimentary after they realised that I was speaking Korean (ha!) and we all made friends. Aika was of course popular, being a foreigner who speaks Korean very well, and soon everyone stopped complimenting me, since it was quite obvious that I don't speak all that well actually. We had a great time, dancing, singing and drinking.
The moral of this story is simple: stay away from the House of Blues and Jazz on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night; there is a much better alternative at the City Diner, where Five Point Punch (or is it Three Point Kick? Sorry I forgot the name!) play. You might have to pour your own drinks though.
The House of Blues and Jazz is located on FuZhou rd ［福州路］, near the bund. You can recognise it by the laidback music, and a second floor that has no one there. The City Diner is located on TongRen rd, near NanJing West rd. ［同仁路近南京西路］You'll recognise it by the uplifting music and the throngs of people gettin' down and boogie-ing inside.